我想 I Think

I think.

？What do I think about?

，，In my heart there was once a road leading to the Land of Ultimate Bliss, one that woman had walked before; but now she is no longer here,

，，、、、！and this road has not only fallen into desolation, but has been so overrun by wild grass, idle flowers, thorny branches, and twining vines that it can no longer even be found!

，，？For a long time now I have thought about this road — it was not opened for her alone to walk; now that she is gone, can I not still come and go on it by myself?

我: wǒ — I; me; my (HSK 1)
計: Jì — surname Ji (HSK 7-9)
久: jiǔ — (of a period of time) long (HSK 3)
就: jiù — 1. (after a suppositional clause) in that case; then 2. (after a clause of action) as soon as; immediately after 3. (same as 就是 (jiù shì)) merely; nothing else but; simply; just; precisely; exactly 4. only; as little as 5. as much as; as many as 6. to approach; to move towards 7. to undertake; to engage in 8. (often followed by 著 (zhe)) taking advantage of 9. (of food) to go with 10. with regard to; concerning 11. (bound form) to reach; to attain (as in 一蹴而就 (yī cù ér jiù)) 12. (pattern: 就 (jiù) ... 也 (yě) ...) even if ... still ... 13. (pattern: 不 (bù) ... 就 (jiù) ...) if not ... then must be ... (HSK 1)
想: xiǎng — 1. to think (about) 2. to think of; to devise 3. to think (that); to believe (that) 4. to desire; to want (to) 5. to miss (feel wistful about the absence of) (HSK 1)
着: zhāo — variant of 著 (zhāo) (HSK 1)
這: zhè — 1. (pronoun) this; these 2. (bound form) this; the (followed by a noun) 3. (bound form) this; these (followed by a classifier) (in this sense, commonly pr. (zhèi), esp. in Beijing) (HSK 1)
條: tiáo — 1. strip 2. item 3. article 4. clause (of law or treaty) 5. classifier for long thin things (ribbon, river, road, trousers etc) (HSK 2)
路: Lù — surname Lu (HSK 1)
不單: bù dān — 1. not the only 2. not merely 3. not simply
是: shì — 1. to be (followed by substantives only) 2. correct; right; true 3. (respectful acknowledgement of a command) very well 4. (adverb for emphatic assertion) (HSK 1)
開: kāi — 1. to open (transitive or intransitive) 2. (of ships, vehicles, troops etc) to start 3. to turn on; to put in operation; to operate; to run 4. to boil 5. to write out (a prescription, check, invoice etc) 6. (directional complement) away; off 7. carat (gold) 8. abbr. for Kelvin, 開爾文 (Kāi ěr wén) 9. abbr. for 開本 (kāi běn), book format (HSK 1)
給: gěi — 1. to 2. for 3. for the benefit of 4. to give 5. to allow 6. to do sth (for sb) 7. (grammatical equivalent of 被) 8. (grammatical equivalent of 把) 9. (sentence intensifier) (HSK 1)
她: tā — she (HSK 1)
走: zǒu — 1. to walk 2. to go 3. to run 4. to move (of vehicle) 5. to visit 6. to leave 7. to go away 8. to die (euph.) 9. from 10. through 11. away (in compound verbs, such as 撤走 (chè zǒu)) 12. to change (shape, form, meaning) (HSK 1)
底: de — (equivalent to 的 as possessive particle) (HSK 4)
她: tā — she (HSK 1)
不在: bù zài — 1. not to be present 2. to be out 3. (euphemism) to pass away 4. to be deceased
我: wǒ — I; me; my (HSK 1)
豈不: qǐ bù — 1. how couldn't...? 2. wouldn't it...?
能: Néng — surname Neng (HSK 1)
獨自: dú zì — alone (HSK 4)
來往: lái wǎng — 1. to come and go 2. to have dealings with 3. to be in relation with (HSK 6)

、、，？But the wild grass and idle flowers are so beautiful and fragrant — how could I bear to clear them away?、、And the thorny branches and twining vines are so unruly,

，，？spreading everywhere — and with no tool in my hand, how would I dare disturb them?，I have thought of wandering alone on that road, but I have never had a day

．to carry it out.

，．As the days went by, I even forgot which direction that road lay. I could only go every day to the bank of that little pond at the road's mouth

，，、．and sit there quietly, gazing forlornly and pondering over that path hidden by grass and sealed by vines.

，，，．，When a fierce wind blew, wild flowers scattered down, and the brocade carp in the pond, taking them for good bait, vied to rise up and gulp at them. What I was thinking of also floated on

狂風: kuáng fēng — 1. gale 2. squall 3. whole gale (meteorology)
一: yī — 1. one 2. single 3. a (article) 4. as soon as 5. entire; whole; all; throughout 6. "one" radical in Chinese characters (Kangxi radical 1) 7. also pr. (yāo) for greater clarity when spelling out numbers digit by digit (HSK 1)
吹: chuī — 1. to blow 2. to play a wind instrument 3. to blast 4. to puff 5. to boast 6. to brag 7. to end in failure 8. to fall through (HSK 2)
野花: yě huā — 1. wildflower 2. woman of easy virtue
亂: luàn — 1. in confusion or disorder 2. in a confused state of mind 3. disorder 4. upheaval 5. riot 6. illicit sexual relations 7. to throw into disorder 8. to mix up 9. indiscriminate 10. random 11. arbitrary (HSK 3)
墜: zhuì — 1. to fall 2. to drop 3. to weigh down (HSK 7-9)
池: Chí — surname Chi
中: Zhōng — 1. (bound form) China; Chinese 2. surname Zhong (HSK 1)
錦: jǐn — 1. brocade 2. embroidered work 3. bright
魚: Yú — surname Yu (HSK 2)
道: dào — 1. road; path (classifier: 條 (tiáo), 股 (gǔ)) 2. (bound form) way; reason; principle 3. (bound form) a skill; an art; a specialization 4. (Daoism) the Way; the Dao 5. to say (introducing a direct quotation, as in a novel) 6. (bound form) to express; to extend (polite words) 7. classifier for long thin things (rivers, cracks, shadows etc), barriers (walls, doors etc), questions (in an exam etc), commands, courses in a meal, steps in a process 8. (old) circuit (administrative division) (HSK 2)
是: shì — 1. to be (followed by substantives only) 2. correct; right; true 3. (respectful acknowledgement of a command) very well 4. (adverb for emphatic assertion) (HSK 1)
好: hǎo — 1. good 2. appropriate; proper 3. all right! 4. (before a verb) easy to 5. (before a verb) good to 6. (before an adjective for exclamatory effect) so 7. (verb complement indicating completion) 8. (of two people) close; on intimate terms 9. (after a personal pronoun) hello (HSK 1)
餌: ěr — 1. pastry 2. food 3. to swallow 4. to lure 5. bait 6. lure
來: lái — 1. to come 2. (used as a substitute for a more specific verb) 3. hither (directional complement for motion toward the speaker, as in 回來 (huí lai)) 4. ever since (as in 自古以來 (zì gǔ yǐ lái)) 5. for the past (amount of time) 6. (prefix) the coming ...; the next ... (as in 來世 (lái shì)) 7. (between two verbs) in order to 8. (after a round number) approximately 9. (used after 得 (dé) to indicate possibility, as in 談得來 (tán de lái), or after 不 (bù) to indicate impossibility, as in 吃不來 (chī bu lái)) (HSK 1)
了: le — 1. (completed action marker) 2. (modal particle indicating change of state, situation now) 3. (modal particle intensifying preceding clause) (HSK 1)
爭: zhēng — 1. to strive for 2. to vie for 3. to argue or debate 4. deficient or lacking (dialect) 5. how or what (literary) (HSK 3)
着: zhāo — variant of 著 (zhāo) (HSK 1)
上來: shàng lái — 1. to come up 2. to approach 3. (verb complement indicating success) (HSK 3)
唼: shǎ — 1. to speak evil 2. gobbling sound made by ducks
喋: dié — 1. used in 喋喋 (dié dié) 2. used in 喋血 (dié xuè)
我: wǒ — I; me; my (HSK 1)
所: suǒ — 1. actually 2. place 3. classifier for houses, small buildings, institutions etc 4. that which 5. particle introducing a relative clause or passive 6. classifier: 個 (gè) (HSK 3)
想: xiǎng — 1. to think (about) 2. to think of; to devise 3. to think (that); to believe (that) 4. to desire; to want (to) 5. to miss (feel wistful about the absence of) (HSK 1)
底: de — (equivalent to 的 as possessive particle) (HSK 4)
也: Yě — surname Ye (HSK 1)
浮: fú — 1. to float 2. superficial 3. floating 4. unstable 5. movable 6. provisional 7. temporary 8. transient 9. impetuous 10. hollow 11. inflated 12. to exceed 13. superfluous 14. excessive 15. surplus (HSK 6)
在: zài — 1. to exist; to be alive 2. (of sb or sth) to be (located) at 3. (used before a verb to indicate an action in progress) (HSK 1)

；the water's surface and was swallowed into a fish's mouth;，．then it turned back into foam and was spat out, floating up into the air once more.

；The fish still swam about, lively and carefree;；the road still would not open itself;．！and I, even more, could not set aside what I was thinking. Ah!

魚: Yú — surname Yu (HSK 2)
還是: hái shi — 1. still (as before) 2. had better 3. unexpectedly 4. or (HSK 1)
活活: huó huó — 1. while still alive 2. simply 3. totally
潑: pō — 1. to splash 2. to spill 3. rough and coarse 4. brutish (HSK 5)
潑: pō — 1. to splash 2. to spill 3. rough and coarse 4. brutish (HSK 5)
地: de — 1. -ly 2. structural particle: used before a verb or adjective, linking it to preceding modifying adverbial adjunct (HSK 1)
游: Yóu — surname You (HSK 3)
路: Lù — surname Lu (HSK 1)
又: yòu — 1. (once) again 2. also 3. both... and... 4. and yet 5. (used for emphasis) anyway (HSK 2)
不: bù — 1. no; not so 2. (bound form) not; un- (HSK 1)
肯: kěn — 1. to agree; to consent 2. to be willing to (HSK 6)
自己: zì jǐ — oneself; (attributive) one's own (HSK 2)
開: kāi — 1. to open (transitive or intransitive) 2. (of ships, vehicles, troops etc) to start 3. to turn on; to put in operation; to operate; to run 4. to boil 5. to write out (a prescription, check, invoice etc) 6. (directional complement) away; off 7. carat (gold) 8. abbr. for Kelvin, 開爾文 (Kāi ěr wén) 9. abbr. for 開本 (kāi běn), book format (HSK 1)
了: le — 1. (completed action marker) 2. (modal particle indicating change of state, situation now) 3. (modal particle intensifying preceding clause) (HSK 1)
我: wǒ — I; me; my (HSK 1)
更: gēng — 1. to change or replace 2. to experience 3. one of the five two-hour periods into which the night was formerly divided 4. watch (e.g. of a sentry or guard) (HSK 2)
不能: bù néng — 1. cannot 2. must not 3. should not
把: bǎ — 1. to hold; to grasp 2. to hold a baby in position to help it urinate or defecate 3. handlebar 4. classifier: handful, bundle, bunch 5. classifier for things with handles 6. (used to put the object before the verb: 把 (bǎ) + {noun} + {verb}) (HSK 3)
所: suǒ — 1. actually 2. place 3. classifier for houses, small buildings, institutions etc 4. that which 5. particle introducing a relative clause or passive 6. classifier: 個 (gè) (HSK 3)
想: xiǎng — 1. to think (about) 2. to think of; to devise 3. to think (that); to believe (that) 4. to desire; to want (to) 5. to miss (feel wistful about the absence of) (HSK 1)
底: de — (equivalent to 的 as possessive particle) (HSK 4)
撇: piē — 1. to cast away 2. to fling aside (HSK 7-9)
在: zài — 1. to exist; to be alive 2. (of sb or sth) to be (located) at 3. (used before a verb to indicate an action in progress) (HSK 1)
一邊: yī biān — 1. one side 2. either side 3. on the one hand 4. on the other hand 5. doing while (HSK 1)
呀: yā — 1. ah (used to express surprise) 2. (onom.) creaking (HSK 4)

；I fixed my eyes on the brocade carp swimming up and down;，and my memories drifted up and down along with them,

，！ah, the woman!「」．，You have now become a brocade carp in my "pond of memory." Sometimes you float up, letting me catch sight of

；you;，！sometimes you sink down, leaving me to rack my brains wondering whether you are beneath some fallen leaf!，or among some patch of sand and stone,

，，．but I long ago forgot which direction that road lay, so I can only sit by the pond every day, hoping you will rise up from beneath the water.

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What it’s about

The speaker imagines that his heart once contained a road to paradise traveled by a woman who is now gone. Weeds, flowers, thorns and vines have overgrown it. He tells himself the path was not made only for her and he could walk it alone, but the flowers are too lovely to remove and the thorns too dangerous without tools. Delay eventually erases even the road's direction.

He sits each day beside a pool at its former entrance, thinking about the blocked way. Wind scatters flowers; ornamental fish swallow his thoughts as food and breathe them back as bubbles. The absent woman becomes a fish in the pool of memory, sometimes surfacing visibly and sometimes hiding beneath leaf or stone. He can neither reopen transcendence nor abandon recollection, so desire circles within an image whose beauty is itself part of the obstruction.

When it was written 背景

This prose poem turns mourning into spatial psychology: road, vegetation and pool are not scenery surrounding memory but the forms memory takes. Paradise once seemed reachable through another person; after loss, attractive wildflowers and hostile thorns become equally effective barriers, complicating any simple command to move on. The fish and bubbles make thought material yet impossible to hold. Learners should notice the progression from 我想 to 囘想 and 猜想, and from road to pool. The short title sounds active, but nearly every action is deferred, displaced or performed by wind and fish rather than the seated speaker.

Words in this chapter 生词

喋dié喋dié — used in 喋喋 (dié dié) · used in 喋血 (dié xuè)
棘jí棘jí — thorns
囘huí囘huí — variant of 回 (huí)
佔據zhàn jùHSK 6佔據zhàn jù — to occupy; to hold (HSK 6)
封底fēng dǐ封底fēng dǐ — the back cover of a book
錦jǐn錦jǐn — brocade · embroidered work · bright
池chí池chí — pond · reservoir · moat
着zhāoHSK 1着zhāo — a move in chess (Taiwan pr. (zhuó)) · trick; tactic · (dialect) okay; all right · (dialect) to put in; to add (HSK 1)
唼shǎ唼shǎ — to speak evil · gobbling sound made by ducks
狂風kuáng fēng狂風kuáng fēng — gale · squall · whole gale (meteorology)
猜想cāi xiǎngHSK 7-9猜想cāi xiǎng — to guess; to conjecture; to suppose · (math.) hypothesis (HSK 7-9)
費神fèi shén費神fèi shén — to spend effort · to take trouble · May I trouble you to...? (as part of polite request) · Please would you mind...?